


I Don’t Love You But I Always Will

by mamabearsdontthink



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Camp Jaha | Arkadia, Companionable Snark, Complicated Relationships, Crack Fic, Drama, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Everyone lives, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluffyfest, Headcanon, M/M, Modern AU, Multi, Not sure where I’m going with this, Other, Park ranger Clarke, Slow Burn, Snark, hunter Bellamy, non Canon, sit com soap opera ish at times even maybe, the book and the show, the brotp is strong in this one, this is a mess, well not everyone tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 21:16:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15759855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mamabearsdontthink/pseuds/mamabearsdontthink
Summary: “She turned on heel and disappeared quickly into the woods. He only watched her walk away because he wanted to see if she’d slip in the mud - really that’s the only reason.“Or the Bellarke modern au where Clarke is a Park Ranger and Bellamy is a bow hunter, they love their friends to death but can’t agree on anything else.  P.s. lots of crack head canons and brotps involved, don’t mind me...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! My writing is really rusty so please be patient and give me feedback if you don’t mind. I have plans to continue this fic if there’s interest and my ideas for it keep flowing. The title of this fic is from the lyrics to “Poison and Wine” by The Civil Wars, off of my Bellarke playlist. Come chat with me on tumblr too if you want, same username. This is unrated because I’m not 100% sure where  
> I’m going with it or how smutty it will be (probably smutty who am I even kidding?) However I will always try to put trigger warnings in the notes at the beginning of the chapter.

I Don’t Love You But I Always Will

Chapter 1

Bellamy blinked his eyes, the fog enveloped him, leaving droplets of moisture in his eyelashes and mist coating his clothing. His vision looked hazy and blurred as if he had his glasses off. The air held a chill despite it nearly being nearly summer. Fingers twitched on the crossbow that he held, he stayed so still he barely breathed; listening to the tiniest sounds of twigs and leaves rustling down below from his perch high in the sweet-smelling pine tree. Finally what he had been waiting for appeared, a medium sized doe, spots long gone, looking to be at least a few years old. His arms jumped into motion before he consciously decided to, with deadly accuracy and just the quiet whizz of the metal arrow speeding through the air, the doe went down in one fell swoop. Her hind legs twitched a couple times and then she was still.

 

Once he had climbed down he checked to make sure the deer was truly dead and gently pressed two fingers to her head.  
“Thank you for your sacrifice, you will keep a family fed for a while.” He spoke quietly and as always felt a little silly for speaking out loud, but thanking his kill had become a habit that he couldn’t seem to shake, thanks to Octavia. Really, Octavia was the reason he did a lot of things. Bellamy had started hunting when he was only 12 because there wasn’t enough food on the table. The food pantry never had enough food - and what four year old wanted to eat canned beef stew or canned potatoes anyways? Octavia didn’t eat enough and his mother couldn’t manage to fix it so Bellamy started hunting. At first - and for a long time thereafter - illegally before he was old enough to get a hunting license and a real bow. 

 

He was nearly 30 now, his mother long dead, he made decent money writing history textbooks and living in a small house with Murphy and Wells. Octavia didn’t live much of anywhere, but that was her choice. She loved the nomad life, traveling in her RV and making a living off of *cringe* nude pictures of herself in nature. He refused to look at her Instagram or heaven forbid, her patreon, but he had heard that the photographs her girlfriend Niylah took of her were actually quite good. Bellamy sincerely hoped that he would never accidentally find out firsthand if that were true; but he was mostly at peace with her decisions, just glad she had found some joy in her life after losing her first love, Lincoln. Bellamy no longer needed to hunt, but somewhere along the way it had become a part of him, something both challenging and soothing. So he donated the extra meat to families in his small town of Polis who needed it. 

 

Once he was walking out of the woods back towards where he had left his rusty old pickup, deer thrown across his shoulders, a familiar and very irritating voice came out of the trees ahead of him.  
“I hope you have the proper papers for that kill.” Clarke stepped from behind a tree in her usual laced up hiking boots, jeans, dark green Arkadia National Park jacket and shoulder length blonde waves tucked into a beanie. Bellamy’s back ached a little from the cold and the weight he carried, so he definitely didn’t take the time to notice how Clarke’s jacket hung open in the front revealing her slim fitting flannel shirt underneath, unbuttoned at the top, emphasizing the curve of her perfect…nope he didn’t notice at all.  
“You know I’ve got the papers, Princess.” He said, scowling.  
“I literally trudge around in the mud all day, are you ever going to stop with that stupid nickname?” Clarke’s voice got just a bit lower and quieter, the only sign of irritation she let through, otherwise looking cool and detached. One of her hands pressed against a nearby tree, leaning into it.

 

“Well if you’re done spying on me, I’ve got actual work to do, Princess.” He spoke breezily, beginning to walk past her and failing to respond to her comment.  
“Maybe I’d like to see those papers, Blake, we take poachers very seriously around here.” Clarke spoke sharply, folding her arms under her breasts and he definitely didn’t glance down at them briefly, at all.  
“Seriously? You want to do this right now? You know I don’t carry the papers with me, they’re in my truck as always.” He snapped and stubbornly resisted the urge to shift the weight of the deer, or show any sign of the effort he was exuding.  
“You should carry your papers with you, that’s what the law -“  
“Don’t you think I’m carrying enough right now? Or maybe you just like seeing me carrying heavy things, huh Princess?” He snarked at her, interrupting her goody damn two shoes lecture. Her cheeks reddened a bit but her tone held nothing but annoyance and exasperation.  
“What’d i'd like to see is anything BUT you, just get out of my sight, and next time keep your damn papers on you!” 

She turned on heel and disappeared quickly into the woods. He only watched her walk away because he wanted to see if she’d slip in the mud - really that’s the only reason. 

***

Clarke slammed the door shut behind her as she entered the large cabin she called home. (Well, large for a cabin anyways.) She yanked her shoes off with unnecessary force throwing them at the entry way with a couple of loud thumps and threw her jacket across the back of a bar stool at the kitchen counter before she stomped into the house. Clarke found Murphy lounging lazily on the couch, feet propped on the coffee table as he flicked through Netflix suggestions. She strode over and shoved his legs off the table;  
“Feet off the damn table, Murphy.”  
“Geez Princess, who pissed in your Cheerios today?” He said absently, clearly not overly concerned with her bad mood.  
“Don’t you start with that damn nickname too,” Clarke snapped back.  
“Run into Bellamy, today? That’d explain the bad mood, repressed sexual tension will do that to you.” Clarke shoved his shoulder as she plopped down next to him.  
“Oh, shut up about that. It was one dream and I should never have told you, it’s not even like that. He’s just so infuriating. He has no regard for the rules or any respect for my job.” Murphy gives her side eye.  
“If that’s the story you’re sticking with, ok.” He shrugs when Clarke flips him off in response. 

 

Clarke is the head park ranger and lives in the house on park grounds year round to stay available for emergencies. Raven and Roan were also rangers and the only other two who lived at the park year round. Raven ran the small nature center, the astronomy lookout on the roof was her baby, she also fixed the park vehicles when they inevitability broke down. Monty and Jasper worked under her seasonally, doing her grunt work and making sure she didn’t push her leg too much. Roan oversaw recreation, he taught the classes for people trying to get their hunting license, kept the lifeguards including Harper and Miller at the small lakeside beach, and oversaw stocking the trout pond for fishing. Murphy lived in Polis just outside the park but owned a catering business with Wells, because Murphy could cook just about anything but Wells could actually talk with people and someone had to interact with customers. Arkadia was a popular spot for weddings and Cakes&Vices often catered them. 

“Don’t you have a house of your own to go home to? I don’t need a third roommate Murphy, unless you’re hoping to share a room with Raven,” Clarke ribbed at him. Murphy glared at her but without any real heat.  
“Uncle. I’m calling uncle.” He got up from the couch to pour two glasses from her bottle of Woodford Reserve and then walked back over to hand her the one with ice in it before sitting back down. Clarke knocked her glass into his lightly,  
“Ok, it’s a truce John, but I’m not watching The Walking Dead again tonight.”  
Murphy took a sip before responding;  
“It really sucks now, I’m only watching because I’ve invested so much time already. But I’m over it too. If I watch Clueless with you tonight, you have to promise not to tell anyone. I have an image to maintain.” 

 

“Clueless?? You better not fucking watch it without us!” Roan’s voice demanded seriously as he walked into the room with Wells close behind him. Clarke shook her head at them laughing as she spoke;  
“Ok but you two gross idiots can’t make out during the movie, this is a movie night for miserable souls only, no lovebirds allowed.” Wells plopped on her other side grabbing her glass to steal a sip. Roan took the end of the couch by Murphy before propping his feet up on the table. Murphy looked at him warningly,  
“I wouldn’t do that if I -“ before Clarke interrupted with,  
“No feet on the damn table!”  
Roan sighed dramatically before putting his feet down and spoke dryly,  
“If I took a shot every time I heard that, I’d almost be drunk.”

 

“Did someone ask for more drunkness? Because ask and you sssshhhhaaaaalllll receive!” Jasper’s voice burst into the house as the front door slammed shut behind him. Jasper dramatically entered the kitchen large bong in hand, Monty sheepishly poked his head around the corner after him.  
“Sorry Jasper slammed the door before I could catch it,” Monty explained, shrugging and rolling his eyes at Jasper.  
“So funny thing, I actually can’t get drunk anymore because it might make my new happy pills not work so well, doc’s orders, but I’m cleared to bong it up!!!” Jasper wriggles his eyebrows as he spoke.  
“Who even invited you two?” Murphy asked groaning.  
“Same person who invited you.” Clarke responded giving him a pointed look. The front door opened and shut again. Raven strode into the kitchen with Bellamy and Harper trailing behind her carrying takeout bags.  
“We still watching Clueless tonight?” Raven asked.  
Clarke eyed Bellamy and downed the rest of her glass. Roan looked around the room smirking as he said,  
“We are going to need a bigger couch.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Clarke watched the dust particles sparkle and twirl in the sun rays coming through the window. When she was a child she had tried to catch the dust particles with her hands because her father had told her that everything was made from stardust, eight year old Clarke had wanted to feel the stars in her hands. Twenty six year old Clarke just wanted to feel real instead of feeling like she was falling apart, turning into stardust particles trapped in the air.”

Chapter 2;  
Bellamy slowly became aware of his surroundings, the scratch of rough fabric beneath his face, the white noise and cool air of a fan blowing, the sound of someone else’s soft breathing, the press of soft curves against the front of his body. He wasn’t in his own bed. In fact he wasn’t in a bed at all. He opened his eyes to see the familiar log walls of the ranger cabin, realizing that he had fallen asleep on the couch after movie night. Bellamy’s hand was on Clarke’s hip and she was spooned into his body. He nearly stopped breathing as he shifted his body away from her, unable to face his embarrassment if she realized how it affected him to have her snuggled into him. Bellamy ran his hands over his face trying to remember how they ended up like this, yet again. They both shared the habit of cuddling whoever was closest in their sleep, they must have both fallen asleep out here and then gravitated to each other’s warmth. 

Clarke stirred and slowly began to sit up, blinking sleep from her eyes. Bellamy snapped up into a sitting position, edging away from her. He couldn’t bring his eyes away from her tousled hair, sleepy eyes, or sleep reddened cheeks. As she realized what he had realized, wariness crept onto her face but when she spoke it was all scathing scorn in her tone.  
“Don’t you have your own bed Bellamy? And your own house?” Her lips narrowed as her eyes quickly glanced down to his shirtless chest and then back up to his face.  
“I didn’t know you advocated drunk driving, Princess. Besides I had to sleep on the couch, you’re the one with a bedroom down the hall, not my fault you couldn’t stay away.” He smirked, easily falling into his usual baiting tone with her.  
“You’re repulsive,” She snapped at him irritably before standing and stretching her arms above her head yawning. Bellamy squeezed his eyes shut for a second when he realized she didn’t have a bra on under her shirt. Clarke got up from the couch before glancing back at him and saying in a more resigned tone,  
“Well the least you can do is start the coffee since you crashed here rent free.” Bellamy made a consenting mumble that turned into basically a grunt. For some reason he was having a difficult time keeping his thoughts together, his gaze sliding down to her thick and strong legs as she walked down the hall. Bellamy ran his fingers roughly through his curls - coffee sounded like a smart idea.

***

Sometimes Clarke wondered how anyone could even bear loving people each day, loving and knowing that they could die at any given moment. Giving your entire heart,soul,and life to a lover, friend, or child all while knowing that at any second out of nowhere for no reason you could lose them, you could lose them all. You could maybe even lose them all at the same time and they could be lost in ways that are unavoidable, in ways in which is doesn’t matter if you took all the precautions or not because nothing could save them, it’s all so random. 

Clarke had lost before. Clarke had lost people she loved deeply and it had nearly killed her, but she survived. The people she had loved though, none of them had been the center of her world. Losing her father because he was shivved in prison after her mother turned him in and losing her girlfriend because cancer is a bitch that doesn’t discriminate… well those events nearly killed her but to survive losing your child or your soulmate of many years? Or both? Those were fears that drove Clarke to avoid deep attachments at any cost. The thought of raising her own tiny human knowing that they could be killed by a drunk driver or a birth defect at any moment, was enough to make her heart race with a lurching shuttering best. How anyone could manage each day loving someone so easily taken away, was something beyond her. True, she always felt a step away from those close to her, but that clock of protection kept her sanity and panic in check. Clarke had watched her mother fall heavily into drugs bit by bit after her father had died. Clarke had watched Octavia lose her soulmate and go into such a dark place inside her own mind that nothing but hurting other people kept her going each day for a very long time. It was true in their own ways they had both come back from their dark and were truly trying; but Clarke was convinced they were stronger than she ever wanted to be. 

Clarke picked up her jeans from the floor and yanked them over her hips, buttoning them deftly. The very cute and chubby redhead on the bed pouted at her.  
“You don’t have to leave...” The woman told Clarke softy. Clarke pulled her shirt on before walking back to the redhead, cupping the side of her face with her hand and brushing her kiss swollen lips gently with her thumb.  
“Thank you, gorgeous. But I should go.” Clarke spoke gently but her tone left little room for objection. Clarke grabbed her wallet and phone, leaving the house quickly, muttering something inaudible in response to the redhead’s request that she call her sometime. Was her name Jenny or Roxy? Clarke’s head felt fuzzy and full, she couldn’t remember even though she knew that she must know, her thoughts and fears lay heavily on her mind, cloaking everything in a haze of brain fog. The hookup hadn’t cleared her head in the way she had hoped, it had been only a brief, if enjoyable, distraction. When they had finished, Clarke collapsing between the other woman’s soft and nice smelling thighs, she had quickly found her thoughts drifting to the memory of waking up with Bellamy’s arms around her and his very firm chest pressed solidly against her. The heat that flared up between her thighs, making her throb with  
need, despite having just had a couple of orgasms, terrified her until she needed to get out of there. As if running could shake him from her head. She didn’t even LIKE him.

The anniversary of her dad's death was tomorrow and Lexa’s death anniversary only 3 days after that. She usually wasn’t a particularly nice person this time of year. Tonight she would leave to disappear into the woods alone for a couple days, as had become her tradition. In years past she had dyed her hair odd colors or gotten tattoos. These days she just needed to be alone with her thoughts in the woods that felt like home. Her friends had grown used to her ritual and didn’t bother her about leaving anymore. It was unbearable to see sympathy or irritation at her grief on anyone’s face, even if the grief was familiar by now and more muted. 

***  
Dusk was creeping into the sky, pink tinged sunset light came softly through the windows of the cabin, making the old oak floors glow. The days were starting to grow longer, summer officially starting even if the mountain air here retained a crisp freshness. The rest of the staff was on site most of the time now so Clarke could be spared from her duties to spend some solo time backpacking. She wasn’t sure where she’d go yet, just away. Arkadia’s boundaries went on for many days worth of hiking, most parts of the park untouched by civilization. The wildness was soothing to her, it didn’t pretend to be anything else. 

Clarke watched the dust particles sparkle and twirl in the sun rays coming through the window. When she was a child she had tried to catch the dust particles with her hands because her father had told her that everything was made from stardust, eight year old Clarke had wanted to feel the stars in her hands. Twenty six year old Clarke just wanted to feel real instead of feeling like she was falling apart, turning into stardust particles trapped in the air. Clarke hefted her backpack onto her back and left the house. She breathed the sticky sweet pine smell deep into her lungs as the moss, needles, and mud squished silently beneath her boots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this came out more angsty and reflective than I expected it to, I’m not sure how it got away from me like that. Sorry it’s so short but life is You know life... also not sure yet if there’s interest in this fic Or not.


End file.
